What a Difference a Day Makes!

I've been working really hard over the past 8 months to make healthy food choices, workout at least 5-6 times a week (even when I don't feel like it), and do things that are mentally relaxing for me. It's been a rocky road at times, but definitely worth the journey.

Do I love the way I look? No. Do I feel stronger in all senses of the word? Yes.

I think that my confidence has grown a little in this process. I push myself harder than I have in a long time to be good to me. I am lucky to have an amazing cheerleader (don't tell him I called him that!) by my side; encouraging me to keep pushing, congratulating me when I reach goals, and motivating me when I need it.

With my gain in mental strength, it's amazing how quickly I can lose it at times. For instance, I spent an evening out with some girlfriends and heard almost nothing but complaints about marriage and husbands. Now, I know that when ladies get together they vent, whether it's about husbands or friends. However, it makes me so sad. I know that I've done it too...but I came home after that night, snuggled with Steve and just cried. Not really sure why, but I did. Mental strength wiped out that day!

This past week, while I was working in my classroom and attending meetings, I felt mentally fatigued by all of the new directives and initiatives and expectations and the list goes on and on. They are all manageable but my anxiety about the school year spiked to an all-time high. I struggle to stay focused on one task, since I know there are so many to tackle. It's gotten to a point where Steve asked if I might be developing ADD because I can't just sit and watch a movie...I have to be doing several other things at once. I call it multitasking, but I know some of it is that my span of attention has decreased with time. Several days I can't even make it through the movie...I passed out on the couch from the all-day grind at about 6:00 pm. Again, mental stamina, where did you go?

With the start of school looming, I know that my schedule will be tighter, meaning my mid-day workouts and time spent tracking food will not be as accessible. With this my anxiety about gaining back weight has also increased. I've worked hard and could work even harder still, but need to also be reasonable!

About two weeks ago, I had hit the 130s! This was a goal I've had for the past 4 years. The last time I was close to 130s was my 30th birthday, almost 5 years ago. In fact, I think I was even in the 120s then. Over time, I packed on 30 pounds and have dropped 21 of them. I should be proud of that! 130s, you guys!

Now, granted, it was 139.5 but I've been holding steady at that weight since I hit it. However, today I'm up a pound, putting me back in the 140s. I can't tell you how that little pound...16 ounces...made for a hard morning. I know it could be a lot of things, but it was really defeating. I know I'll shed it and hopefully before the wedding, but it's hard to see.

I still have 10 pounds to go to hit my goal, but every little half pound helps.

*Off to get ready for a Labor Day get together (at which I will probably eat all sorts of naughty things!)*

Thanks for reading!

Run, Manda, Run!

So, last night I was really dreading my workout. I had been at school most of the day, moving stuff and organizing my room. I almost considered not doing it because it was a run night and this run was a 30 minute nonstop run.

I'm at the end of the Ease into 5K program and can definitely feel the change. So, I figured I've come this far, no reason to get lazy now. I mustered up the strength, routed out a map, and set out. At first, I was nervous because over the last 7 weeks, I have been using a treadmill to help me pace myself. I am a terrible pacer. I like to punch it right out of the gate and end up exhausting myself.

As I laced up my shoes, I tried to remember the 3 mile map I had charted on Livestrong. I got my iPod strapped on, earbuds on, phone in hand, and a kiss goodbye to my love. As I started my walk/warm-up, I remembered that the last time I had "run" this route was my first week of the Ease into 5K program. At that time, the intervals were very short. At the most, the longest run interval was about 1 minute and I remember wanting to die then.

*Run* chimed the fitness lady in my iPod. Here we go. I found myself trying to get moving but not overdoing it. I had a 30 minute continuous run ahead of me. My goal, especially when i didn't want to run at all, was to run almost all 30 minutes. As I was running I felt really good because I was able to do the entire 3 mile route running, which is such a difference from the first time I did it 8 weeks back.

I know that 3 miles isn't an insane amount of mileage, but for me...it's a huge amount. My goal is to keep it up, working on a better time and then maybe moving into the Bridge to 10K.

It feels good to see that the hard work I put in has made some change! 

Curls! Oh, Pinterest!

Most people who have seen my hair air dry will have also experienced my hair fro. It's a mix of my straight and curly hair...but it's like my hair can't decide so goes with both. However, it's never that beachy wave look, but rather a matted mess.

Often, I like to take a shower before bed to prepare for early school days. So, while perusing on Pinterest, I found a site with tips for keeping the frizz down. With Steve gone this weekend, I decided it might be fun to try. I struggled with just curling my wet hair around my fingers, so I modified and twisted my hair and then rolled it up and secured it.

Surprisingly,  the bobby pins didn't bother me while I slept. I was out like a rock. So, when I woke, the pins and hair were in place.

As I undid it, I was surprised at how curly it was. It looked like that silk doll hair that is in curls. Only not quite as shiny. And it was huge! However, it wasn't as frizzy as it normally is. I'll see if I can make it work!

Here are some pictures. Please don't mind my morning look...glasses, no makeup. It was early!

All pinned up!

Another angle shot of the twists

Front shot with it all pinned up

Whoa, volume!

Very little frizz compared to usual!

Grandparents

As I was going through photo files, I found these pictures of my grandparents. I love them. They are in my house, out for display. I've been thinking about them a lot lately, especially this week. In one of the workshop sessions i was attending, we talked about relationships, as well as emotions. Each of them is special to me for different reasons.

My Mom's side:

Papa John

Papa John is my mom's dad. I remember being young and always a little unsure about Papa John. He reminded me of the cartoon character Crankshaft because his brow always furrowed and he spoke sharply. However, down below that exterior, he was not as tough as he looked. This past November, my Papa passed away. There are things that I will always remember about him.

• Bright-colored pants with a white belt that he always hitched up, one side at a time.
• His hunched stature and crossed legs whenever he was sitting in a chair
• His terrific laugh
• His commitment to staying healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually
• Watching C-SPAN or CNN in my parents' living room during his annual visit
• His hard love for his children
• Handing gifts for him to pass out at our Christmas Eve get togethers

Mama Lu

My MaLu started out as Grandma Louise, but since I was the first grandkid and struggled to say her name, I shortened it. She was a beautiful and gentle woman. Can you see the likeness to my mom? Both beautiful ladies!
She passed away young in May of 1984, after a battle with cancer. She was nearly done raising her nine children and just getting to know her grandkids. I can't even imagine how hard it was for my mom and her siblings to say goodbye. My short time with her still left me with strong memories:

• Her artichokes that you dipped into a bowl of melted butter at every Christmas Eve celebration
• Sitting on the floor next to her and making play-doh bowls and peas on my 3rd birthday
• After a surgery, she could no longer talk, so we would communicate using one of those boards that you write on with a plastic stylus and lift the film to erase it. I have a vivid memory of sitting on her lap and drawing things for her. I remember looking up at her and just thinking she was so pretty. And she was!

Mary is my step-grandma but I consider her my grandma. (I don't know why I don't have a picture of her handy! FAIL on my part!) She has been in our family for approximately 25 years. She lives in Naples and is staying pretty active. I admire and remember the following things about Mary;

• She was a runner and won a lot of different races
• She sold Mary Kay products and would let us look through them like we were at a beauty counter
• One of her passions is painting; their walls serve as a gallery of her artwork
• Her eyes smile when she smiles
• She is a great listener
• Her laugh is contagious

 My Dad's side:

Grandpa Ted

My grandpa Ted had a magical smile. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when I was at the end of grade school. He worked with my Dad at their family company. Recently, at a Writer's Workshop conference, we discussed relationship and emotions. One of the biggest emotions I attach to my grandpa, beyond pure joy, is regret. I remember being in college and coming home every once in awhile. My dad always suggested I go to visit him at the care facility.  I often chose not to and usually felt okay about it because he didn't know who I was anyhow. Looking back now, I realize it was because I wasn't strong enough to see him. I was scared to see this man, who was always so full of life, withered to a man who knew no one in his family anymore. He didn't smile like he used to and that was scary to me. Here are a few things I remember:

• His smile
• Playing in the basement with him and my brother
• Driving the mini-van with him for the first time when I was 14
• His caps in various colors, with matching plaid pants
• Taking us out to the back corner of their yard and letting us sneak onto the neighbor's bouncy reindeer
• Sitting in his office while he worked on his work and I worked on my Speak n' Spell

Grandma Jean

My Grandma Jean was a debutante when she was young. I remember many sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Currently, she lives in an assisted living community. As she gets older, she is repeating herself and tiring out faster. That being said, she is 92! Memories with Grandma:

• Getting to use her whirlpool tub when I would sleep over
• Making malts after our bath
• Layering on her many necklaces to get fancified
• Her little crystal candy dishes filled with sweet treats
• Buying me aqua sunglasses for me when she watched us 
• Helping her get fitted for undergarments, as an adult (had to list it, as it's something I will never forget!)

There are so many more, I'm sure. Every once in awhile I will pop back on here and add to it.

I can't wait until it is time for Steve and I to start our family. Our parents will make many happy memories with our kids as they grow up, I'm sure of it!

Green Thumb

I've never considered myself much of a gardener. My thumb is barely green. Not even a tinge...until this summer, maybe.
Steve and I have our little balcony garden. We are both surprised at how long we've kept our crops alive. In addition to some of the plants I have on here, we also have a rosemary plant and a few little flower plants in mini-pots.  My garden is usually fake plants, so I had to share this summer's victory!

Our pepper plant at the beginning of summer.

First day of our parsley (italian and flat leaf) and our sweet basil. These are about 3 times the size now. Love the fragrance they give off!

This plant was in our planter last summer. We cleaned out the planter after our plants froze this spring when the temperatures plunged. We planted three other plants and last week, look what came sprouting up! Our caladium must have left some roots. I'm so happy because it's one of my favorites!

One of the many peppers our plant is producing. Some of these are a LOT hotter than I expected. We have used most of them in salsas or on sandwiches. Steve likes them more than I do.

Here is the beginning of a pepper. It's still blossoming.

Another caladium sprouts

Keep Your Chin Up!

Meet our bar:

This bar arrived a few weeks ago. Steve bought this for his own use but I saw it as a challenge and decided I should use it too. Although my upper body has always been a little stronger than my lower body, I would in no way say that I am especially strong. (See boot camp post!)

I often worry about getting slapped in the face from my grandma waddle on the bottom half of my arm when I wave. I have felt less of a wiggle as of late, which I think is from hanging onto the treadmill like my life depends on it every once in awhile during my run.  

My goal was to do at least one full chin-up by the end of summer. So, I made it a habit to try it every time I passed by it. The first time I did it, I could barely pull my body up. Even in a few days' time I was getting higher and higher with every pass by.  I was so dedicated to my challenge that there were days I would wait until I absolutely needed something in my room so that I wouldn't have to pass by it.

Well, last Sunday, first thing in the morning, I passed it by while Steve was working on something (it's in the door frame of his office) and didn't try it. He reminded me of my challenge and so, I gripped the sponge around the bar and took in a deep breath.  I can do it, I can do it, I can do it! And then I pulled up, gritting my teeth in a painful smile, and kept going, going, going. From his desk chair, Steve was cheerleading, "You can do it, keep going, keep...you're almost there...come on, you can do it!"

Suddenly, my chin was above the bar and I had done it! It is HARD. It really works your core and you arms.  Here is a picture of me doing another one right afterward. It's blurry, you can still see my flabby triceps, and I didn't get quite as high...but I did it.

And...We're Back!

My view early Monday morning on my way to workout before the day of workshopping began. With a quick 2-3 minute drive to work, I don't encounter too many people in the mornings. I was surprised and had forgotten how many people are out and about on the road at 5:30 in the morning.

I am often awake by this point in the morning, but haven't been out of the house this early since school ended, with the exception of needing to get to the airport for one of our trips. On my way to my parents for a treadmill session (the first time I ran for 20 minutes straight - I survived!), I was still shedding my early morning grogginess when I spotted this beautiful sunrise! I am not sure why, but it put a little extra pep in my step, a smile on my face, and woke me up.

It's hard to believe that the summer is almost over. I've been working on my thesis, wedding stuff, and meetings for school, and have not yet found myself able to sleep past 7! I am relishing these last few days in August that allow me to relax, blog, clean out old stuff, and fix up my office that is currently housing stacks of papers, books, and all things wedding!

Before I know it, I'll be greeting the sun every morning, bright and early!

New Tastes

Leeks waiting for the kale
*AMAZING!*

With another person in the house, our food stock is more diverse than it had been when it was just me alone. I have always been the pickiest of eaters in my own family. I'm not sure how or why. It could be just a long-term case of stubbornness or a true aversion to certain foods.

Here is my list of foods that were on my absolute no list:
Onions
Mushrooms
Seafood
Fish
Hot foods
Olives
Rough greens
Ribs or meat on the bone

I am happy to say that I have changed this to some degree! I am definitely a fan of onions if they are sauteed or chopped very small, if fresh. Steve makes a mean salsa and he always uses a lot of fresh onion and I LOVE it.  In another situation, Steve was sauteeing a bunch of veggies to go with our dinner and it smelled amazing. I asked him what he was cooking up and he had said all that was in the skillet was onion. I was salivating! It adds such a great flavor to dishes!

Mushrooms are still a hard one, but I'm trying! Olives are similar. If they are cut up really small and mixed in right, I'm fine with it!

Ribs was a struggle because I really despise eating meat on the bone. This is odd, especially because when I was little and my dad would grill chicken, I'd always snag the chicken wings. Now, it creeps me out. If I am a guest in someone's home, I usually try to just grin and bear it. There is just something about holding an animal bone and gnawing the meat off of it that puts a grisly image in my head.

Fish and Seafood are still written off for now. I tried some salmon en papillote in our cooking class, but that's about the extent of it. I don't know where this issue came, as the rest of my family loves it!

Hot foods were a change and I credit Steve for this. He puts Sriracha, Chalula, or Tabasco sauce on most foods. He loves hot and spicy food. In fact, he almost swallowed lava hot wings for a wing challenge, but thought better of it after a quick sample of the sauce.  To give you a point of reference, typical buffalo wing sauce is 1,440 Scoville units (Scoville units is the measurement of heat; as it increases so does the heat of the pepper or sauce).  The sauce that Steve and his friend considered eating on wings to get a t-shirt and their picture on the wall was 500,000 Scoville units! Holy crap. When the waiter brought a little dip cup of it, it just smelled like pain.

I'm hardly ready for anything too hot, but I've been handling it more than I ever had before.

Lastly, I have fallen in love with kale. It's so delicious sauteed with a little mist of olive oil and garlic. The other day, though, I was feeling adventurous. We always see leeks nestled in next to the kale at the store. It is such an interesting vegetable, so I wanted to try it. I mixed it in with the kale and let them almost get crisped and browned. It was DELICIOUS. I've been craving it, but haven't found any good looking kale in the last week or so.

I am so fortunate to have someone in my life who challenges me to try new things!  My food spectrum has grown incredibly because I'm testing out recipes to accommodate both my and Steve's tastes.

Left, Right, Left...Attention!

I mentioned in my last post that I would provide some commentary on the other component of my workout changes. Strength conditioning. I've NEVER enjoyed this part of the process, but I'm trying to have an appreciation for it. I know that if I build up my muscle, workouts will yield a higher calorie burn.

Let's be honest, a gym full of sweaty, athletic people is not my scene. So, I choose to do my running at my parents on the treadmill and strength training at home. That way, I'm not as self-conscious (although no one in the gym would care) and can grunt and cry when I need to!

Bluefin is the creator of the Ease into 5K app and I loved it, so I decided to check out their Boot Camp app. Well, it's not my favorite;to be fair, I know that I've given it much of a chance. The word that comes to mind when I think of it would be cumbersome.

Every time I'd start it up, I would feel anxious, like I didn't know what I was doing and couldn't really tell how to do some of the exercises. The program does offer a tutorial to see how to do each exercise, but some of them did not make sense to me.

On a walk, I explained this situation to two of my friends who have been really awesome at turning their lives around with healthy eating and exercise habits that are performed with diligence and perseverance. They both have been using the Nike Training Club app (which was free!) and feel that it is a great workout.

Just the display itself is nicer and the exercises show an actual person doing them, so I can visually interpret how to move my own body. I have yet to try it. Tomorrow I'll start it out!

Here is an example of the display:

In other news:
I also purchased the Bridge to 10K app. My goal is to redo the 5K program, but at faster speeds and then to move into the 10K program. We shall see. I'm on week 7 of the 8-week program.

Photos courtesy of:
facebook.com

adorninc.wordpress.com

Easin' Down the Road...or Treadmill!

As I mentioned in my last post, I've gotten back onto the workout train. Earlier this year, I was using The Biggest Loser for Kinect in addition to early morning walks. I was very committed and definitely saw results. It felt great. Overall, it pushed me to consistently work harder than I have in probably 4-5 years. I liked that it made me accountable.

I stopped using it due to life getting crazy. At this point, I could pick it back up. There are two beefs I have with this program. The first being that it couldn't always read my movements; therefore, not counting reps or calorie burn. Due to the size of our living room, I can't necessarily blame the program. Perhaps it's because we don't have adequate space between the workout space and the sensor. The second reason being that it doesn't allow you, or at least I can't find how, to customize the calendar. It sets the workout calendar for you; if you miss the day, it won't let you make up the workout, it just counts it against you. This was difficult because there would be nights that I would end up having to stay late at school and could have made it up the next day, but it doesn't let you!

So, when I picked this consistently-working-out stuff back up after a few month hiatus, I wanted something different. After a rough attempt at running with my girlfriends, the Ease into 5K app was a suggestion offered for getting into running in a manageable way. So, I checked it out.

I love it! It motivates me and does literally ease you into running. I started with running outdoors. This is tough for me, as I am a terrible pacer. In addition to having no way of pacing myself,  I don't have anything to gauge my speed.

*Enter my old digs*

My parents have a treadmill in their basement that I used to use often. I asked if they wouldn't mind if I use it every other day or so to workout. They were happy to oblige and I was lucky to not have to pay them a membership fee! My brother Joe is also on a workout plan so he and I often have to coordinate who is using it when...which in its own way is motivating. It's just nice knowing that both of us are working hard at running.

One of the things I'm most proud about is that I have not "quit". I have it in my calendar to make sure I do it! And I do. This is the first time I've felt really out to prove something to myself. It's been a long time! I don't end a run early. I don't every walk unless I'm supposed to be walking. I push myself. I like seeing if I can handle increasing my speed by a tenth with each run. I was up to 6.5 mph for the running portion and 4.5 mph for the walking; and although I thought I would die often, I made it through! Keep in mind though I was only running about 5 minutes at a time.

This week I surprised myself. I had my first 9 minute stint, followed with shorter bursts of walking and running. I sailed through it and felt great. I brought my speed back to 6.0 mph and am glad I did.

Today's workout starts Week 6 of the program. It's a 9 min run, 3 min walk, 9 min run and I'm scared, but determined. I can't wait to see how it goes!

I even considered, the other day, purchasing the Bridge into 5K. The other thought I had was to repeat the whole Ease into 5K but trying them all at faster speeds. Either way, it's got me thinking about keep on keeping on!

Thanks for the recommendation, Stef!

Up next: A few thoughts on the Boot Camp app

Oh, the plateau!

Isn't this Colorado plateau a gorgeous sight? The curves and colors make it so unique; it is breathtaking. Also breathtaking is my plateau. This one isn't causing a sharp intake of breath because of its grandeur so much as it's frustrating!

So, since late December I've been working at my weight loss journey. It's definitely mimicked the peaks and valleys of the plateau shown above. In the last few weeks, I've been really diligent about tracking my food (watching, especially, the amount of fat, protein, and carbs), doing something exercise-oriented at least 6 of the 7 days, and trying to catch up on sleep.

All of these are challenging for me. I am trying to make good decisions every day and weigh my choices when it comes to food and why I'm eating it. I've been trying to keep more active ~ even did some squats in the grocery store while waiting for Steve in one of the aisles (I realize that's a little weird...but I was  bored and the urge hit me!). We are eating healthier than we were, being very mindful of balancing our meals. I have cut back on Diet Coke and am trying to boost my water intake drastically. I am also trying to drink water or chew gum when I have a sugar craving, because I have a TERRIBLE sweet tooth that just will not die. and I don't want to hate my eating plan, so won't completely cut sweets out of my diet but rather find healthier substitutes than what I would normally eat.

I started the Ease into 5K and Boot Camp programs and am sticking to them pretty seriously...but more on that later. I can say that I've been giving them my all, especially with the running. It's not easy, but I've surprised myself, especially since it's been over 4 years since I've run consistently.

Sleep has always been a tough one. I often sleep around 6 hours or less, getting up at least once in the middle of the night. It's rarely restful sleep, which always causes a problem for energy. This summer, I've been heading to bed a little earlier and shooting for a solid 7 to 8 hours. I still wake up in the middle of the night, but not as much as I was during the school year.

Anyhow, I feel like I'm stuck. I just can't seem to get below 145.5. I know that I'm building muscle...to some degree I can feel it, but at the same time, I feel stuck. I am working harder at this than I have in years, and it's not changing. From Dec - Feb, I lost 14 pounds, then fluctuated a bit, and am now STUCK. A few people have commented on how they can see a change, which of course is  motivating, but I have yet to really see it or feel it. I would think 16 pounds shed would make a huge difference!

The other part of it is mental conditioning. I still think I look fat, so then start to wonder if I have a completely skewed vision of myself. Did I think I look better than I did? I've lost weight and still look big, so what did I look like before this and how did I not see it? How does an extra 30 pounds happen in 3 years and you don't realize/notice it?!? Are people embarrassed of me? Will I always feel uncomfortable when friends/family see their own personal weight loss successes while I'm seeing little to none? Will I always be a bit jealous/resentful that I'm not as successful? When does the comparing stop?

I know many people say things to try to make it easier to deal with. "Steve will love you no matter what size you are" or sentiments similar to that, but it really comes down to Can I love myself regardless of my size and shape? I don't know; sometimes it's hard in a visual/media-driven world! I'm trying though...

I guess my question is how do you persevere through a plateau? How do you push through the barrier of stagnation in a weight loss journey?

Any advice, words of wisdom, suggestions?

Picture courtesy of: National Geographic

Butterscotch Meringue ~ Decadent!

Makes 24 Bars

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

16 tablespoon (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened

2 cups packed light brown sugar (divided)

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs, separated

1 tablespoon water

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

* When I was making a second batch for my soon-to-be-nieces-and-nephew, we ran out of chocolate chips. So, I substituted some butterscotch chips for the remaining chocolate ones and it was DELICIOUS!* 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

1. Line 13 by 9 inch baking pan with aluminum foil, allowing excess to hang over pan edges. Spray foil with oil spray. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a bowl, set it aside.

2. With a hand mixer on medium-high speed, beat butter, 1 cup of brown sugar, and granulated sugar until well blended. Add egg yolks, water, and vanilla and mix until well incorporated. Reduce speed to low and add flour mixture until just combined. Spread batter evenly in prepared pan. Press down chocolate chips gently into dough.

3. In a clean bowl, whip egg whites to stiff peaks, then reduce speed to medium and add remaining 1 cup of brown sugar. Mix until uniform in color and shiny. Spread meringue over chocolate chip layer and bake until golden brown, about 35-40 minutes. Cool completely before lifting out of the pan. 2-3 hours. Cut into squares. 

For a large amount:

Use 12x24x2 steam pan liners, yielding 36 bars each.

Times 1 1/2 on the chocolate chips and doubled the meringue recipe.

Pasted from <http://thechurchcook.blogspot.com/2011/06/butterscotch-meringue-bar.html>

A Hard Goodbye

March 17th, 2004 Emerson joined my family. He was a fuzzy little bundle of joy, but feisty too. At the Humane Society, he had quite a history. In fact, his "uncle" who had lovingly called him "Dumba*%" was at the facility trying to get him back. However, since my paperwork was already processed he was out of luck. Emerson was already chock full of issues, but he was the cutest of the bunch and I was looking to add some feline vibes to my apartment lifestyle. {Emerson as a kitty pictures will be following at some point!}

My roommate, Tara, and I brought Emerson to our apartment and over many years have accumulated many stories. Many instances of paw soaks, ear cleanings, tummy issues kept me a busy mama to Emerson. Nights of cuddling with him made single life a little less lonely.

Steve and Emerson were civil with one another but not very fond of each other. Steve has terrible allergies to cats, so he survived on Allegra while living here. I am so thankful he was as kind as he was. Emerson did have a few run-ins with Steve's ankles that made for some bad blood between them. We made some changes that Emerson resented...no sleeping in the bedroom, closing off rooms, another male presence in the house...

In the last year, Emerson suffered a lot of health problems. His digestive tract was causing problems, resulting in several enemas and vet stays. He had special food, medicines and extra TLC. X-rays and tests took over a significant percentage of his costs. There was nothing specific, but rather a battery of issues he was dealing with. In all honesty, he was in a lot of pain and I knew it. I just tried to mask it by giving him his medicine and extra pets.

Steve kindly listened to me vacillate on whether or not to put Emerson out of his misery. Many tear-filled nights and proof in Emerson's lethargy, prompted me to look into HAWS, a local Humane Society. After speaking with the vet that does the euthanasia, I cried and cried, but decided it was what was best. I made an appointment because I knew if I didn't, I would continue to wait. That wouldn't have been fair to Emerson.

So, June 19th, my mom came over, as she has experience in having to put pets to sleep. Steve came home early from work and I spent the day snuggling him. As I pulled the carrier up to the ottoman, Emerson looked at me like, "No Way!" but stayed nearby. After a quick game of chase around the condo, I tried to put him into the carrier. He fought against it, which sent me into body-quaking sobs. I think he knew and it kiilled me. He doesn't care for carriers but had never fought that hard before. He rallied so hard that he had cut open his nose, which sent me into an even harder cry.

Steve knowing that this was already a hard decision offered to take him for me, but I insisted I needed to be there. Looking like a grieving widow, I had on dark shades and kept my head down as we got into the car. I sat in the back with Emerson on my lap in his carrier, meowing in disgust. 

We got to the waiting room and did just that. Finally, they called me in and all of us went into the room. I took Emerson out of the carrier and inspected his nose. Per usual at vet visits, he tried to climb up me and hide his face in my neck. How weird that animals seek such a human form of comfort. The doctor came in and helped me get Emerson back on the table. With a really gentle voice, he reassured me that this was the best choice for Emerson. Quickly, he put a little band around Emerson's little wrist and pet him. Emmy looked up at me and my eyes were filled again with tears. I saw them roll off my face and hit the floor. The doctor asked if I was ready and I couldn't respond with anything more than a nod. He injected him with this little bit of blue solution and Emerson's body fully relaxed and he rolled over. My only response was "Oh, God!" followed with more sobbing. 

Although I know myself well enough to admit I'm emotional and can cry easily, I was surprised at my reaction to this whole situation. I knew it would be hard, but had no idea I would cry so hard and often. 

Here is a video of one of Emerson's last days. It's nothing special, but it is cute. I used to love when he'd clean off his little nose with his curled paw. 

RIP, Emerson.

To help me out, Steve went to pick up the ashes a few days later. Currently, Emerson sits on top of our kitchen hutch. I miss him terribly! 

Visual Aids for Losing It!

Choo, choo! I'm back on track, blog friends! I woke up Monday and just decided to push myself. I have been diligent about tracking my foods and have started the Ease into 5K and Boot Camp (an iPod app) programs. Since Monday, I've lost two pounds already!

I'm a tad concerned with the combination of vacation and extreme heat ahead of me. I am so ready for this getaway but have to remind myself to not use that as an excuse to become a Dyson. Now, the heat...perhaps it will be beneficial if I sweat off some weight while we walk around Williamsburg, however it leaves me sluggish and tired.

Depending on how early I wake up and the temperatures, I'm going to try to continue that 5K/Bootcamp program while we are on our trip. We won't have a car for four of the days, so will be relying on our fancy footwork to get us around.

Now, one night when I couldn't sleep, I came out to the living room looking for my buddy Emerson to snuggle with, forgetting that he's been at peace for a week now. So, I pulled out the computer and perused Pinterest. Somehow, I came across this site that showed a visual aid to help with weight loss motivation. Here's my attempt:

What it looked at when I started! 30 beads to lose!

As it stands today (6.28.12). They are EVEN as of this morning. I hadn't moved the beads for this picture, so it's more even looking than this now. Let's keep shuffling right!

Hoping to enjoy our trip and not worry too much...but also be careful with choices!

Little Oaties and a Slice of Heaven

Have you ever had heaven in your mouth? That sounds a bit dirty, no? Well, regardless, I have had heaven in my mouth...and surprisingly, it's in the form of an oatmeal pie.

Readers, feast your eyes on this heaven:

You can even customize the filling with food coloring for holidays.

Here is the recipe. You must try!!!

Oatmeal Cream Pies (makes about 18 cream pies)

Cookies

1-1/4 cups butter (softened)

1 cup brown sugar (packed)

½ cup sugar

1-1/2 cups flour

3 cups oats

1 egg

2 tsp. Vanilla

1 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. Baking soda

¼ tsp. Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Beat butter and both sugars until creamy. Add egg and vanilla and mix well.

Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup and level with a flat knife edge. Combine flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a bowl. Stir. Add oats and mix well.

Add dry mix to butter mix and blend well. Drop by rounded tablespoons 2” apart on baking sheets lined with parchment paper.

Bake for about 10 minutes. Leave on pan for 2 minutes after removing from the oven.

Put cookies on a wire rack to cool completely. Once cookies are cooled completely, spread about 1 tbsp of filling between 2 cookies. Store in an air-tight container in the refrigerator.

Filling

½ c. soft butter

2 cups powdered sugar

1-2 Tbsp. Whipping Cream

1 tsp. vanilla

Combine all in a medium bowl. Beat on low until mixed well. Then, beat on high until light and fluffy.

Furry Friend

Always finding the most awkward places to sleep.

What do YOU want?

Not another picture. Really?

Emerson waiting at the vet's office earlier this year. Not his best look.

Look at this sweet face.

Again, he's knocked off all of the coats from the chairs to make his own little nest.

When I put them on the table momentarily, he crawled right up there to snuggle.

Profile

Sneaky guy! He's trying to get into the closet...

Soooo tired.

Look at that cutie, all laid out!

Close up!

Deep in the Heart of Texas!

Back in February, two of my friends and I headed down to Austin for a long weekend. We have known each other for most of our lives and love traveling together! It was fun to explore Texas. Since it was February, we were looking forward to a warmer climate and a bit of an escape from the BIGGEST snowstorm of the season. However, Texas wasn't nearly as warm as we thought. We were definitely not prepared for the weather. Austin is not at all like I had anticipated. It was more of a transplant city...there were people from all over the country there. I had expected a LOT more cowboy hats and bigger hair. We were told that we could see authentic Dallas inspired looks in Dallas itself. We did get a little taste when we met up with a former coworker and checked out a honky-tonk bar. None of us got out on the floor and danced but really enjoyed watching everyone! Thanks for another terrific trip, ladies!

Inside of our Party Cab. The driver picked us up with speakers blaring.

The Land Yacht. Party Time!

Just call me Red.

Christy the Cowgirl

Boots, boots, boots.

Dria rocking the fringe

Howdy, pardner!

I reckon that there is a fancified hat!

We always try to find at least one cupcake stop on our trips.

Look at those glorious cakes!

The capital

Christy checking out the frozen yogurt counter.

Which flavor to try

So delicious!

We spotted the VonTrapps on their way to a performance.