A Hard Goodbye

March 17th, 2004 Emerson joined my family. He was a fuzzy little bundle of joy, but feisty too. At the Humane Society, he had quite a history. In fact, his "uncle" who had lovingly called him "Dumba*%" was at the facility trying to get him back. However, since my paperwork was already processed he was out of luck. Emerson was already chock full of issues, but he was the cutest of the bunch and I was looking to add some feline vibes to my apartment lifestyle. {Emerson as a kitty pictures will be following at some point!}

My roommate, Tara, and I brought Emerson to our apartment and over many years have accumulated many stories. Many instances of paw soaks, ear cleanings, tummy issues kept me a busy mama to Emerson. Nights of cuddling with him made single life a little less lonely.

Steve and Emerson were civil with one another but not very fond of each other. Steve has terrible allergies to cats, so he survived on Allegra while living here. I am so thankful he was as kind as he was. Emerson did have a few run-ins with Steve's ankles that made for some bad blood between them. We made some changes that Emerson resented...no sleeping in the bedroom, closing off rooms, another male presence in the house...

In the last year, Emerson suffered a lot of health problems. His digestive tract was causing problems, resulting in several enemas and vet stays. He had special food, medicines and extra TLC. X-rays and tests took over a significant percentage of his costs. There was nothing specific, but rather a battery of issues he was dealing with. In all honesty, he was in a lot of pain and I knew it. I just tried to mask it by giving him his medicine and extra pets.

Steve kindly listened to me vacillate on whether or not to put Emerson out of his misery. Many tear-filled nights and proof in Emerson's lethargy, prompted me to look into HAWS, a local Humane Society. After speaking with the vet that does the euthanasia, I cried and cried, but decided it was what was best. I made an appointment because I knew if I didn't, I would continue to wait. That wouldn't have been fair to Emerson.

So, June 19th, my mom came over, as she has experience in having to put pets to sleep. Steve came home early from work and I spent the day snuggling him. As I pulled the carrier up to the ottoman, Emerson looked at me like, "No Way!" but stayed nearby. After a quick game of chase around the condo, I tried to put him into the carrier. He fought against it, which sent me into body-quaking sobs. I think he knew and it kiilled me. He doesn't care for carriers but had never fought that hard before. He rallied so hard that he had cut open his nose, which sent me into an even harder cry.

Steve knowing that this was already a hard decision offered to take him for me, but I insisted I needed to be there. Looking like a grieving widow, I had on dark shades and kept my head down as we got into the car. I sat in the back with Emerson on my lap in his carrier, meowing in disgust. 

We got to the waiting room and did just that. Finally, they called me in and all of us went into the room. I took Emerson out of the carrier and inspected his nose. Per usual at vet visits, he tried to climb up me and hide his face in my neck. How weird that animals seek such a human form of comfort. The doctor came in and helped me get Emerson back on the table. With a really gentle voice, he reassured me that this was the best choice for Emerson. Quickly, he put a little band around Emerson's little wrist and pet him. Emmy looked up at me and my eyes were filled again with tears. I saw them roll off my face and hit the floor. The doctor asked if I was ready and I couldn't respond with anything more than a nod. He injected him with this little bit of blue solution and Emerson's body fully relaxed and he rolled over. My only response was "Oh, God!" followed with more sobbing. 

Although I know myself well enough to admit I'm emotional and can cry easily, I was surprised at my reaction to this whole situation. I knew it would be hard, but had no idea I would cry so hard and often. 

Here is a video of one of Emerson's last days. It's nothing special, but it is cute. I used to love when he'd clean off his little nose with his curled paw. 

RIP, Emerson.

To help me out, Steve went to pick up the ashes a few days later. Currently, Emerson sits on top of our kitchen hutch. I miss him terribly!