Fifth Grade

Every year brings a new crew into my room. This is my third year of teaching and definitely my most taxing yet. I thought, without doubt, teaching would become easier to do as time went on. Not that I thought I'd ever be able to hit auto-pilot and hide out in the teacher's lounge catching up on the latest Hollywood gossip; but I thought I'd feel more comfortable with everything. Not so.

It's all dependent upon the class you have. This year my class started with 26 students with abilities ranging from mid-2nd grade to about 6th grade. I have a cluster of kiddos that have identified learning styles that require extra accommodations or assistance. I also have a cluster of kiddos who haven't been technically/legally identified but have really serious impediments to their learning. Within my class, I have all the different generalized categories we had as students once upon a time. The jocks, the nerds, the nose-pickers, the cheerleaders, the funny guy, the daydreamers. Each of them is unique and as individuals lovely. However, as a group, their dynamic is challenging.

We have good times but I'm struggling this year to muster up the same energy, patience, and excitement I've had the past two years. Now, the past two years' classes posed challenges as well, but I didn't feel they were coming from every direction all at once. Lately, at the end of each day, I often feel disappointed with or ashamed of my short fuse, inability to reach everyone, and fear that I'm not as good of a teacher as I should be. I need to remind myself that there are small victories happening here and there.

This year has been the year of parents. I am lucky to have some really amazing, wonderful parents. I need to remind myself of those parents who feel I am doing something really good for their children. They are supportive and quick to share their approval. Some are well-intentioned but a bit intense. Some like to test the waters to see how I will handle an issue. Some are just downright mean.

A small highlight of my favorite moments yet:

• At Open House this year I had a mother, who has since changed her tune since she's never seen her daughter smile so much after a day of school, who without an introduction approached me and said, "I have heard that you are a mean teacher. And not just from one person, but many. I hope my daughter will have a different experience." I just stared at her, mouth agape. I put out my hand and sweetly smiled, saying, "So nice to meet you, I'm Ms. Angel. I hope that your daughter (turning to face her daughter) will be able to make her own mind up about that after she gets to know me." The mother just glared at me. I could tell she was not pleased that she didn't get more of a reaction from me. She furrowed her brows, narrowed her eyes on my stomach and tersely retorted, "Oh, I see you are pregnant. When are you due?" Now, I had felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach but stood quietly for a moment. "No, I'm not pregnant. Maybe you heard our Art teacher is expecting." Again, she was disappointed with my response. She simply turned on her heel with her daughter in tow and left. She returned with her husband about 30 minutes later and was a completely different person. I knew then that she was going to be one to watch.
• Another parent makes it his job to show up just as I am about to leave and talk with me for about 30 minutes. For awhile, this was almost daily compounded by notes and emails regarding his daughter and her work. He had to be told by another teacher that works with his daughter that he's no longer allowed to check her grades online. He is a nice man and loves his daughter fiercely, which I can't fault him for, but he has to let her try things on her own. He's not willing to do that yet, which can be difficult at times.
• My favorite instance so far is with a student who is choosing not to do a thing to help himself and then feigns innocence on every front. A few months ago, my principal showed up at my door and asked what was on the schedule for the afternoon. I thought this seemed like an odd check-in but told her. She stepped in and said I should head into the small conference room, as a parent was waiting to see me. When I entered, there sat this mom, her son, and two other staff members. She was beet red, cigarettes hanging out of her pocket, yelling that her kid is being mistreated. I was told this was calmer than how she arrived....swearing every curse word know, slamming chairs, and so on. I kid you not, for two hours I sat in this room while she informed me that I don't know how to teach, that he ain't never had these problems before, he hates school, he hates me as his teacher, he does all of his work but I lose it on purpose, I make him stay in for recess for no reason, that I don't ever communicate with her, and the list goes on and on. I held my cool the entire meeting but fell apart as soon as she left. I have never felt so attacked since I started teaching. None of her accusations were true and the worst part was that this little kid sat through the entire thing weaving his made up story to the guidance counselor and his mom. It was terrible.
• This same mom and I had a meeting this past week again. Our guidance counselor was there as a mediator. The mom and her husband were again loaded for bear. They made it very clear that they don't think I am doing anything for their child and that he's never had issues like this before. Which, may I say, is not true. I spoke with 4 of his former teachers and they confirmed this is a pattern! She made some very insinuating comments, as did her husband. When the meeting was done, I just sighed a huge breath of relief. It was a 90 minute meeting of stress. The teacher who was with simply said to me, "It's not worth questioning or doubting what you do. You do everything you should be and no matter what, that mom has a bone to pick. Don't let ignorant people like that hurt the good you do. We need to find you tougher skin!"  

These are only a snapshot of what this year has held...it also has a student who thinks she is a vampire (for real), students who can't stop moving/bouncing/talking/singing/tapping, students with serious anxiety and eating disorder issues, students who don't have time for homework because of their sports obligations, and so on. It's been a tough year. One that even has me questioning if this is the right career for me. I keep telling myself we only have 4.5 months left. I know I will survive...hopefully I'll have grown tougher skin to act as a companion to the many gray hairs that have appeared this year.

The video below is one I have to share. This made me laugh out loud but then shake my head because I've been there....

 

This Week in Review - 1.23-1.28

Sunday was a nice little day. The day started with a visit to my Grandma  (more on that soon). After that, Steve and I caught Mission Impossible IV: Ghost Protocol matinee by way of some free tickets I scored from my one of my students last year. It was pretty good; a bit too long for my liking. As we often do on Sundays, we stopped by my parents' house for Angel Sunday Dinner. We were spoiled with two types of lasagna, garlic bread, veggies, and great company. I brought along the cobbler I had made Saturday night. Thankfully, no one cared that there were a few spoonfuls missing!

This week started out hectic and ended the same way. It leads me to ask...when will I ever feel caught up? Is it an actual possibility? Do people get to "caught up" and celebrate with sundaes and streamers? I'm just curious...incentive, maybe?

I do think that the cold that has weaseled its way into my system might be to blame for my lack of energy this week. I've been pretty diligent about taking my vitamins (albeit gummy ones), Vitamin D, Mucinex D, and some probiotic that is taking up space in my fridge. Even so, I've finally caught the bug. My voice is starting to sound less like Kathleen Turner after a power drag, so that's fancy. I knew going into this week that it was going to be a tough one.

I started my last two classes of my masters program this week. After these two are done, all I have left is my thesis. I make that sound so easy. All I have left is this humongous research-based book that I'd like to have completed prior to the BIG day. These classes meet for three hours on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I'm not loving this so much as I had become accustomed to the online format (read: the freedom to procrastinate more intensely) and find it hard to be back in a classroom after a full day of teaching. I will make it through...I hope... and will be the wiser for it. The classes truly apply to what I'm doing in my classroom and on the committees I serve on; that's helpful, at least.

Today was deep clean day and homework day. I managed to get a whole bunch done but still have piles of things to do. Again, does anyone really ever achieve "catching up"?

Can you say Saturday Fun?

Lowpoints of the week:  Feeling overwhelmed by all of the new adventures on my path. Also feeling like a pickax buried itself in the middle of my forehead. Love those sinuses...first issue in 6 months!
Highpoints of the week:  Booking tickets to Austin in February. Learning that one of my student's favorite activities of the week was the work we did on topic sentences. Who knew those could be fun? It's a totally random highpoint but well worth it. Also, having one of my students who struggles in Math rock at fractions this week. She was such a star!

More to come later! Goodnight, fine friends.

Week in Pictures - 1.15.12

We finally saw some real snow accumulation! I mainly love this picture because of the cloud of snowflakes I captured. If only I had gotten our white lights on to add a little oomph!

My buddy, Sam. He was all smiles but I couldn't catch it! We were chilling and reading lots of books together.

Max and I bonding. Although, in his mind bonding with Auntie Amanda translated to watching Despicable Me.

Tonight, we had a lovely fire while we experimented with kale chip recipes. We've already gone through one face cord since October, so it's unnecessary to say we've taken full advantage of our fireplace. This last batch had some great smelling pine which wafts through the entire condo.

Unfortunately, the edge of the fireplace gets really hot. As I put a log in, I felt quite a sting. This little welt grew quickly. Steve was a good nurse and put some Neosporin on it. It smarts!

Ending the night with a berry cobbler. Oh, wow. It was delicious. I had 3 cups of blueberries and 2 cups of strawberries, so thought I best use them! It was bursting with flavor.

Of course, it never hurts to have a little whipped cream on top (fat free version is not nearly as delicious!)

On another note, I am tracking my books read this year and progress on my Get Fit goal on blog pages. I might add in a Wedding page as I start getting some of the big things settled. I'm happy to report that I finished The Hunger Games. It was great and I'm starting the second book tomorrow....on our new Kindle Fire. I never thought I'd become an eReader, but the price discount we got was too good and it is a birthday present to each other.

Happy Saturday! 

Week of 1.9

Don't faint. I can hardly believe it myself. After a grand total of 9 posts in 2011 (total bummer...lots to write about!), I am posting twice in one week! I don't know what's happening....

Anyhow, like I said, one of my goals this year is to take more pictures. I have to remember that this means ANY pictures, not just ones I'd be proud or inclined, even, to put up on my wall. It could just be pictures of life. Candid ones. Ones that make me laugh. Ones that bring a little joy to my day.

Thus, this post. I am going to give you a random sampling of my photos from the week...even though it's not over. I have a few more posts brewing, so hoping to keep this momentum going!

Thanks to our new food scale and my sudden willingness to count and record calories, I have been able to get serving sizes more in line with the food changes we are making. Steve is really good about being regimented about what he eats; whereas I give in easily and can sabotage a "diet". So, I've decided that I'll track calories, boost veggies and fruits, limit sweets (which was my main problem), increase water intake, and watch my portion sizes. This way, I don't feel neglected but I am responsible for the amount I choose to eat.

Measuring my food has really opened my eyes. I truly was unaware of the true size of portions. 2 ounces of turkey is more than I thought and plenty satisfying. A serving size of frozen dark chocolate chips is much less than I would have eyeballed in the past. However, that little bit keeps me satiated and my sweet tooth happy. I won't have them unless my calorie allowance has room for it. AND a big change from the past, I won't forgo something healthy for something I am craving. I have decided to eat the healthy option first (yogurt, dried fruit, peppers, cucumbers, carrots) and then see how I'm feeling. It's really helped and I've been craving candy/chocolate much less than I used to...even in stressful situations! Now, please do not be fooled...I still crave chocolate like a fiend...but I'm actively determining whether it's emotional cravings or hunger-induced.

Anyhow, in light of food changes and my new love for cooking, here are a few pictures of our Sunday breakfast. These pictures make me happy for several very minute reasons:

• the veggies are so colorful and bright
• it's a testament to our change in eating habits
• there's still cheese, but it's a measured portion
• it means I'm cooking
• there's onion that I chose to add in (people who know me, know this is a big deal. Have I mentioned I made and tried Salmon en Papillote in our cooking class this year? And I liked it. I have also decimated my disdain for onions, capers, feta, goat cheese, yogurt, hot sauces, and still working on mushrooms. This has been a BIG year.

Sunday night, as I worked on my first 2012 blog post, I also ventured again into a new vegetable's realm. Kale. I had made a trial batch with a few leaves on Saturday night. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but making it into chips worked wonders. I lightly tossed the washed leaves removed from the stem in olive oil, chopped garlic, kosher salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. After I baked them, I squeezed fresh lemon juice over them. OHMIGOSH, you guys! This stuff is freakin' delicious. I downed the trial batch for dinner and was satisfied. So, Sunday night, I tagged in for round two. To my surprise, Steve sampled one. AND he liked it. So, we have found a new weekend snack food. They don't keep well, so make sure you have people around to eat it up! Or eat the whole batch by yourself! Heaven knows, I could have!

Anyhow, I'm getting sleepy...and I have to work on my other goal of reading more. Hunger Games, here I come!

New Year

Okay, so one of the things you are supposed to do after a New Year begins is reflect on the year that just ended. Well, one thing about that year is glaringly obvious over here on Angel Musings...I suck as a blogger. It's just not on the forefront of my mind and over time, I realize I wish I would have been more diligent about posting. A lot happened in the last year, so it's a shame I didn't keep up.

That being said, this year is a new year.

Here are a few of the goals I am trying to stick with this year.

1. Get in shape ~ ideally, 25-30 pounds.
-I know, I know. Almost everybody has this resolution, but I'm bound and determined. There are two main reasons I'm on this mission. First, I need to lose weight so that I feel better about myself on a daily basis. Whenever I've been on the heavier end of things, I haven't been comfortable with myself. Secondly, I have a wedding dress that I need to look smokin' in and only have *just* under 9 months left until this happens. I've been working out with the Kinect Biggest Loser workout for about three weeks. I've lost about 4 pounds and definitely feel things are getting a bit tighter. I have a long way to go but am trying to remind myself that I need to take it one day at a time. In addition to the Biggest Loser I've been walking EARLY in the mornings, about three times a week for 50-60 minutes. 4:40 comes too early, but it's a good way to get me up and going in the mornings. Although this past year has brought my cooking bug out, I'm trying to use that to prepare healthy meals. I started tracking what I eat this week and it definitely helps me keep my hands out of the treats in the teacher's lounge (aka as Healthy Eating Sabotage lounge). Tonight, I'm trying to make kale chips. We'll see how they work out!

2. Read More
I joined a book club over a year ago and rarely can keep up with the assigned readings. What can I say? When I get home from school and done with cooking, grad work, etc...I usually want to sit on my butt and watch mindless TV. This year, I'm trying to make a concerted effort to read more books for entertainment. Now, I'm a slow reader, so this task will take some time to really sink into. I'm hoping to increase my speed the more I read. I am supposed to have two night classes a week this semester and I have a feeling that with the reading that is required for that, I may not want to add on more. That being said, I'm trying to really hold myself to this; in fact, my students are even aware of my goal and checking in with me to keep me accountable. And believe me, 10-year-olds don't forget! When I'm done blogging tonight, I am delving into The Hunger Games. I've heard awesome things about it, so hoping I am sucked in.

3. Worry Less
This is a hard one for me. My parents point it out, my friends point it out, and Steve has pointed it out. I don't know if it's a product of birth order or just who I am. I worry. My most recent worries include:

• Wondering if I will want to teach the rest of my life and how bad it would look if I didn't even make the 5 year mark. Hand in hand with this is constantly worrying that I'm not a creative enough or innovative enough teacher. This one has been really hard to handle. It's been an especially difficult year this year. I've had parent interactions that still blow my mind, students who have no clue what respect means or how to demonstrate it, and a million new "to-do"s to finish. By nature, I tend to want to do it all. However, with the idea of having a family drifting nearer to the surface than ever before, I just don't know if I CAN do it. I am so personally affected by what takes place at school and it's hard for me to set a boundary. For the sake or our relationship, I try to keep my school stories to a minimum on a daily basis with Steve. Now, more than ever, I recognize how consumed I can become with work.
• What if I can't have babies. Okay, we know I'm fertile. For goodness sake, I have a twelve year old! However, that was twelve years ago when I was 21 and in awesome shape. We are by no means starting a family right out the gate, but since we think we want more than one kiddo, we will want to start relatively soon. The idea of trying to have a baby and not would be devastating for anybody, I know. And being adopted, you would think I'd be all for adopting a baby if we couldn't naturally conceive. Yet, I'm on the fence about this. I think a lot of it stems from placing the one person I know I have a blood tie for adoption and not ever having another blood tie to speak of. It's weird, but true.
• Friendships. With the dawn of my relationship with Steve, my friendships have changed. In some cases, it's that we all have new things in our lives. New babies, addition to one kiddo in a family, new jobs, moving, and all those other life instances that fall upon us throughout life. I often worry that my friends think that I'm "that girl" that has ditched them in lieu of time with my guy. I'll be honest...do I want to spend a lot of my free time with Steve, yes. However, I do still want to have my friendships. With this year of classroom chaos, wedding planning, and grad school, my time is strapped. And I know the same is true for friends. So, it comes down to planning more actively to get together. There are a few of my closest friends that I haven't seen since late summer. That is NOT OKAY.
• Wedding stuff. I do not consider myself the crafty sort, so I really worry that I won't be able to streamline all of the cool ideas I've seen into one fluid theme. I know it's our day, but I also want it to look amazing and be amazing. We are slowly hammering out the details. One of the other parts that is causing concern is the limitation of our space. I feel terrible because a few people have mentioned that look forward to it or have asked for a date confirmation. Unfortunately, we can't invite all of the people we'd like to and are worried we'll hurt people's feelings. It's not that we don't want them to be there, but we have a space limitation (which we originally loved, but could use 10 more seats!). 

4. Take more pictures. This was a hobby that I intensely fell into a few years ago but have allowed it to slip away. I know there are a bunch of projects going around and I have friends that are doing them. I am not ready to really commit to quite that level yet. However, I'm thinking a picture a week would be doable. I even have one for today!

My stand-in anniversary gift to Steve. We both have a slight Diet Coke addiction. I put each of these in their own bag, wrote a little story, and told the tale of our first year together with the size of the Diet Coke corresponding to our love. Cheesy, campy, and corny...yes! 

5. Be more positive. I have so much to be thankful and happy about that this goal is necessary. I tend to be pessimistic more often than not these days; some of which I attribute to being overtired and stressed. However, this is no way to live life! Thus, the glass is half FULL. I'm going to try to see the positive in situations first! I catch myself, sometimes, mid-negative and need to step back and stop. Now, realistically, does this mean I'll become Pollyanna? No. Will I still vent to Steve or my girlfriends about frustrations, heck yeah. But, will I try to focus more on the positive and not allow negativity to seep. Yes.

So, there you have it. A little bit about my goals. I hope you are doing well with yours! Off to nosh on my kale chips and get reading!

Goodnight, all!