2.28.2012
Work It Out ~ Update Time!
Falling off the Wagon and Climbing Back on....
Now, many of you know how hard this can be. I was doing a pretty decent job of working out 6 days a week, walking at least 2 and eating much better. With the change of my schedule and more after school responsibilities, I've been less inclined to get home and do that workout. My eating has been fueled by emotion lately...and the worst part is that I am aware of it!
I can feel my body's changes from the lack of consistent workouts in the last two weeks. It starts to ignite fear that I'll gain back the 13 pounds I gained, but also sends me straight to a jar of marshmallow fluff with a spoon. Okay, that might be exaggeration...or is it? In all honesty, we don't have marshmallow fluff in the house. :(
Anyhow, I need to get back on the bandwagon. I've been more tired, irritable and I feel my confidence slipping. I feel gross, so am not as cuddly or huggy as usual because feel like I'm kind of disgusting. **all in my head!**
I've made it 13 pounds, which means, to reach my goal I have about 17 left. [After TX, maybe it's back to 19 pounds to lose!] I have to keep my eye on the prize.
How do I do this in a way that is more manageable?
Emotions/Thoughts: It's been a rough month with the start of grad school classes and a spike in responsibilities or events at school that require extra time out of school. Even though I am no longer tracking calories by writing them down, I try to make smart choices. I still have dessert or something sweet most days, but I don't go out of control. I am still working on not making getting down on myself if I have something delicious that may not be the healthiest. I want to see more progress, faster, but I have to remember I need to be healthy.
Goal(s) for next month:Workout more. With grad school going late and conferences at school I can't keep the schedule set out by the Biggest Loser game I was playing. It's a good workout, but for me, is still difficult and I don't even have it close to the hardest level. I'd like to vary my workouts.Steve did buy me some dance games and Zumba for the Kinect, which I definitely need to check out. I was walking in the morning but with my schedule right now, I've been burning the candle at both ends. I've been in bed around 11/12 and getting up about 4:30-5 when I'm walking. Not enough sleep! Goal: More working out, even if it's for just a little bit.
2.27.2012
And...we're back!
So, I've been a bit absent on here the last few weeks. I think it's been about 10 days, which, considering the lengthy stretches between posts last year, seems like no big deal. I promised I would try to be more of a frequent blogger.
Since I last blogged, we had Valentine's Day, conferences, mid-winter day off of school, a trip to TX and a little fall of the wagon.
First, Valentine's Day. This is my second V-day with Steve. My, how time flies! Last year, one of my co-workers was so tickled that he sent me flowers, she determined right then and there that I was going to marry him. Well, lo and behold, her intuition was spot-on. As the initial-few-months-in-wooing is no longer on the horizon, I didn't expect much in the way of gifts. We hadn't talked about it really and so, I guess I assumed it wasn't happening! I, did, however, prepare for it...just in case and had a gift card to one of his stores ready to go. I am much more into giving cards...so, I ended up writing out numerous Valentine cards for my valentine and leaving them around the condo so that he'd find them at certain times.
With grad school on Tuesday and Wednesday nights and Steve's busy season in full swing, I knew that we wouldn't be up for heading out on the actual day, so went about the day as usual. I figured any celebrating would be done later in the week when we had time and could actually SEE each other! However, as I was making copies near the office, a local flower company was in delivering flowers. I love seeing the bouquets people get so was peeking through the doorway, when the woman signing for them said, "Oh, she's right here! I'll give them to her now!" I looked behind me and realized I was standing alone. That's right! They were for me. A gorgeous bouquet of red roses and white mini calla lillies. I am truly spoiled!
In between night classes, teaching, and Parent-Teacher conferences, Steve and I managed to celebrate on the 17th at Louise's. It was a nice night out together. It didn't hurt that we had a gift card too!
On Saturday, the 18th, we headed down to the Milwaukee Public Museum for their Food & Froth Event. It's an event where local vendors set up shop. It's primarily beer...which I don't care for, so I was merely along for the experience. We met up with Steve's friends Gus and Tony. I had never met them before, so the night was full of fun! As inappropriate people tend to do, Gus and I found something that made our more mature sides surface, pinning down the fact that Steve has nothing to worry about...we got along just fine!
After the museum, we headed to Tosa for a little time in Leff's Luckytown, which confirmed just how old I really am. I also introduced Steve to the world of George Webb's. Imagine my shock when he mentioned he had never been there! Crazy!
Up next: Little Oaties (divine), TX, and Falling off the Healthy Wagon and my attempts to climb back on!
Since I last blogged, we had Valentine's Day, conferences, mid-winter day off of school, a trip to TX and a little fall of the wagon.
First, Valentine's Day. This is my second V-day with Steve. My, how time flies! Last year, one of my co-workers was so tickled that he sent me flowers, she determined right then and there that I was going to marry him. Well, lo and behold, her intuition was spot-on. As the initial-few-months-in-wooing is no longer on the horizon, I didn't expect much in the way of gifts. We hadn't talked about it really and so, I guess I assumed it wasn't happening! I, did, however, prepare for it...just in case and had a gift card to one of his stores ready to go. I am much more into giving cards...so, I ended up writing out numerous Valentine cards for my valentine and leaving them around the condo so that he'd find them at certain times.
With grad school on Tuesday and Wednesday nights and Steve's busy season in full swing, I knew that we wouldn't be up for heading out on the actual day, so went about the day as usual. I figured any celebrating would be done later in the week when we had time and could actually SEE each other! However, as I was making copies near the office, a local flower company was in delivering flowers. I love seeing the bouquets people get so was peeking through the doorway, when the woman signing for them said, "Oh, she's right here! I'll give them to her now!" I looked behind me and realized I was standing alone. That's right! They were for me. A gorgeous bouquet of red roses and white mini calla lillies. I am truly spoiled!
In between night classes, teaching, and Parent-Teacher conferences, Steve and I managed to celebrate on the 17th at Louise's. It was a nice night out together. It didn't hurt that we had a gift card too!
On Saturday, the 18th, we headed down to the Milwaukee Public Museum for their Food & Froth Event. It's an event where local vendors set up shop. It's primarily beer...which I don't care for, so I was merely along for the experience. We met up with Steve's friends Gus and Tony. I had never met them before, so the night was full of fun! As inappropriate people tend to do, Gus and I found something that made our more mature sides surface, pinning down the fact that Steve has nothing to worry about...we got along just fine!
After the museum, we headed to Tosa for a little time in Leff's Luckytown, which confirmed just how old I really am. I also introduced Steve to the world of George Webb's. Imagine my shock when he mentioned he had never been there! Crazy!
Up next: Little Oaties (divine), TX, and Falling off the Healthy Wagon and my attempts to climb back on!
2.13.2012
Valentine's Day
Last year, I was taking part in a Saturday Professional Development day. The focus was writing. The majority of people I was with were my co-workers, offering a level of comfort. We were prompted to do a quick write, where you select a topic and don't stop writing until the moderator calls time. We were asked to share topic ideas. Our group ended up with child birth. We had to write from any perspective on the topic of child birth - whether we had experienced it or not.
I just recently found a folder of my writing from the last few years. The piece I wrote for this workshop seemed appropriate to share tonight. Tonight is the eve of my daughter's birthday. She will be 12 at 12:30ish tomorrow morning. She was a Valentine's baby, with a heart head to match! I can't believe that 12 years have passed. I don't feel old enough to have an almost teenager! GAH! I often wonder how different my life would be if she were with me. I can't say, really.
Please note this was a quick write with no proofreading or editing, so it was off the top of my head:
Valentine's Day hasn't always been an easy day. In high school, it was usually a night that I worked so that everyone else could have their romance-filled evenings with their significant others. In college, it was spent pining after the boys that pined after my friends. Harumph! Finally, my junior year in college, I had a semi-romantic date although I don't recall it well. After my daughter arrived, every Valentine's Day got a little easier but is always filled with emotion and a lot of reflection. It was a day that I held my chin up high and proved to myself that I could handle it. Finally, last year, I had found my forever Valentine. He makes it easier in every way. He puts a smile on my face, kisses my tears (none yet today!) on days when I get overwhelmed with emotion about her, and listens as I recount the feelings I experience every year. This is only one of the millions of reasons I love this man.
I'm thankful to have the relationship I do with her. Steve, too, has begun to develop a relationship with her as well. It's one of the most amazing feelings when the two of them are together and I get to observe. They have become fast friends and I have a feeling that there is a little tween crush developing. Some people's response to this is, "Like mother, like daughter" or "Well, she's got good taste!" Neither of these sentiments are reassuring. I'm still learning how to deal with her little crush.
Anyhow, every February 13th, I experience a heaviness in my belly and a little squeeze around my heart. A reminder of the journey I began so long ago. The journey of highs and lows, twists and turns. Through all of the different stages, one thing has never changed.
Valentine's Day 2000 breathed life into me. It fulfilled a dream to become a mother. Although it's not the most conventional form of being a mother, it's one I wouldn't trade for anything.
Thank you to my sweet girl who showed me what real strength, acceptance, and love are. Thank you to her parents for not forgetting that this day is meaningful to me too.
My heart is filled to the seams.
Happy Valentine's Day, all!
I just recently found a folder of my writing from the last few years. The piece I wrote for this workshop seemed appropriate to share tonight. Tonight is the eve of my daughter's birthday. She will be 12 at 12:30ish tomorrow morning. She was a Valentine's baby, with a heart head to match! I can't believe that 12 years have passed. I don't feel old enough to have an almost teenager! GAH! I often wonder how different my life would be if she were with me. I can't say, really.
Please note this was a quick write with no proofreading or editing, so it was off the top of my head:
Child Birth
It was a snowy, blizzard night in February. The pain radiated in and around my lower back. This was a bit different than what the experience had been over the last two months. Usually, I wobbled store to store viewing the Valentine window displays, rubbing my swollen belly. However, this night was different. I had just finished dressing my belly with olive oil and Vitamin E to soothe the remembering lines, also known as stretch marks.
My mom kneaded her balled fist into my back to release the tension when suddenly there was a change. Running to the bathroom my anticipation and anxiety set in. Please be tonight...not tomorrow. That might be too hard. The day that celebrates love - so bittersweet - to see this precious beauty who I loved so much, knowing she would only be mine for four solid weeks.
GUSH! And it happened. Calling my mom like a toddler, rather than the 22 year-old I was, made my heart flutter like a thousand butterflies seeking freedom.
We were off...she was coming.
However, with siblings gone, my mom left. And so began a comedy of errors. Me at home alone trying to get ready for the biggest change in my life so far, followed by getting stuck in mountains of snow, willing my patience and resolve. The quick and crazy trip to the hospital, the nurse focusing more on the TV birth on ER than easing me through an epidural, needing to push before it set in. 0-10 has a new meaning!
And, then, with working through my exhaustion, fear, emotion, and heartache, everything calmed.
12:30. She was here. It was Valentine's Day. An my heart had never felt more complete.
How very appropriate.
Valentine's Day hasn't always been an easy day. In high school, it was usually a night that I worked so that everyone else could have their romance-filled evenings with their significant others. In college, it was spent pining after the boys that pined after my friends. Harumph! Finally, my junior year in college, I had a semi-romantic date although I don't recall it well. After my daughter arrived, every Valentine's Day got a little easier but is always filled with emotion and a lot of reflection. It was a day that I held my chin up high and proved to myself that I could handle it. Finally, last year, I had found my forever Valentine. He makes it easier in every way. He puts a smile on my face, kisses my tears (none yet today!) on days when I get overwhelmed with emotion about her, and listens as I recount the feelings I experience every year. This is only one of the millions of reasons I love this man.
I'm thankful to have the relationship I do with her. Steve, too, has begun to develop a relationship with her as well. It's one of the most amazing feelings when the two of them are together and I get to observe. They have become fast friends and I have a feeling that there is a little tween crush developing. Some people's response to this is, "Like mother, like daughter" or "Well, she's got good taste!" Neither of these sentiments are reassuring. I'm still learning how to deal with her little crush.
Anyhow, every February 13th, I experience a heaviness in my belly and a little squeeze around my heart. A reminder of the journey I began so long ago. The journey of highs and lows, twists and turns. Through all of the different stages, one thing has never changed.
Valentine's Day 2000 breathed life into me. It fulfilled a dream to become a mother. Although it's not the most conventional form of being a mother, it's one I wouldn't trade for anything.
Thank you to my sweet girl who showed me what real strength, acceptance, and love are. Thank you to her parents for not forgetting that this day is meaningful to me too.
My heart is filled to the seams.
Happy Valentine's Day, all!
2.02.2012
Holy Roller Coaster, Batman.
So, in reality, I've only ever been on one roller coaster in my life. One too many, in my opinion. I remember my panic as I heard the click of the safety guard as it pressed against my shoulders. I didn't feel safe so much as trapped. With each cog falling into place, the coaster car climbing the massive incline, I remember looking up at praying I would someone channel my fear into extreme excitement.
That didn't happen.
Instead, I was white-knuckled until the moment we reached the top of the hill. As we began to plummetto our death my fingers gripping the bar so hard that they went from white-knuckled to bright red. My stomach met my throat as we soared down the track. I remember thinking, "People do this for fun? Really?" I didn't understand. In fact, I still don't.
In the almost 20 years since that experience, I have ridden other roller coasters. These were the ones of life. They did loopty-loos, climbed so high that I could feel on top of the world, and then crash down so fast I didn't know we had begun the ride! Sometimes, the roller coasters matched the intensity of a soft kitten purring in a beam of sunlight; others were what I might assume a heavy metal rave would be like. I don't know if these exist, but in my head it would be a lot of disorientation and unsettling movement!
In the last few years, my roller coaster has been pretty run-of-the-mill. I haven't struggled with the real lows I used to. The last time I think I really battled with serious seasonal depression was in 2003, so that's quite awhile ago now. Now, that's not to say I don't get the blues, but overall, life has been pretty rosy the past few years.
Especially this last year. I have been so happy and very content with my life and what I'm building with Steve. I am so looking forward to marrying him and hopefully starting a family sometime soon. My family is very busy and all doing well, I have a job, I have great friends, I'm finishing my masters, and I have the opportunity to travel and see people and things.
However, as I've mentioned, this year is proving to be tough. I am turning 34 on Saturday and am starting to really feel older. I know everybody jokes about the creaking joints and so on...but I am noticing it.
That didn't happen.
Instead, I was white-knuckled until the moment we reached the top of the hill. As we began to plummet
In the almost 20 years since that experience, I have ridden other roller coasters. These were the ones of life. They did loopty-loos, climbed so high that I could feel on top of the world, and then crash down so fast I didn't know we had begun the ride! Sometimes, the roller coasters matched the intensity of a soft kitten purring in a beam of sunlight; others were what I might assume a heavy metal rave would be like. I don't know if these exist, but in my head it would be a lot of disorientation and unsettling movement!
In the last few years, my roller coaster has been pretty run-of-the-mill. I haven't struggled with the real lows I used to. The last time I think I really battled with serious seasonal depression was in 2003, so that's quite awhile ago now. Now, that's not to say I don't get the blues, but overall, life has been pretty rosy the past few years.
Especially this last year. I have been so happy and very content with my life and what I'm building with Steve. I am so looking forward to marrying him and hopefully starting a family sometime soon. My family is very busy and all doing well, I have a job, I have great friends, I'm finishing my masters, and I have the opportunity to travel and see people and things.
However, as I've mentioned, this year is proving to be tough. I am turning 34 on Saturday and am starting to really feel older. I know everybody jokes about the creaking joints and so on...but I am noticing it.
- I am starting to become less pepper and more salt-and-pepper. I have this one white hair that lands smack in the middle of my bangs. Awesome. Love.
- I seem to get tired faster. Granted, I'm packing a lot into my days. At least three days a week I walk with a retired coworker early in the morning. I've got grad school two nights a week, wedding planning, and so on and so forth. This often results in me passing out on the couch with a book in hand. {MUST admit: As I typed this, I fell asleep. The dryer buzzer woke me up and scared the living crap out of me! So sad. It's 9:00.}
- I lose my patience much sooner than I ever have before and I get snitty. I don't like this one AT ALL. I know that some of it is that I'm overtired, but that doesn't excuse it. For instance, I easily get annoyed when people read at me in class, instead of just giving me the information. In addition to this, I have a low tolerance for hearing the same story 30 times. In my classroom, I get tired of and am less understanding of a million excuses.
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