Holy Roller Coaster, Batman.

So, in reality, I've only ever been on one roller coaster in my life. One too many, in my opinion. I remember my panic as I heard the click of the safety guard as it pressed against my shoulders. I didn't feel safe so much as trapped. With each cog falling into place, the coaster car climbing the massive incline, I remember looking up at praying I would someone channel my fear into extreme excitement.

That didn't happen.

Instead, I was white-knuckled until the moment we reached the top of the hill. As we began to plummet to our death my fingers gripping the bar so hard that they went from white-knuckled to bright red. My stomach met my throat as we soared down the track. I remember thinking, "People do this for fun? Really?" I didn't understand. In fact, I still don't.

In the almost 20 years since that experience, I have ridden other roller coasters. These were the ones of life. They did loopty-loos, climbed so high that I could feel on top of the world, and then crash down so fast I didn't know we had begun the ride! Sometimes, the roller coasters matched the intensity of a soft kitten purring in a beam of sunlight; others were what I might assume a heavy metal rave would be like. I don't know if these exist, but in my head it would be a lot of disorientation and unsettling movement!

In the last few years, my roller coaster has been pretty run-of-the-mill. I haven't struggled with the real lows I used to. The last time I think I really battled with serious seasonal depression was in 2003, so that's quite awhile ago now. Now, that's not to say I don't get the blues, but overall, life has been pretty rosy the past few years.

Especially this last year. I have been so happy and very content with my life and what I'm building with Steve. I am so looking forward to marrying him and hopefully starting a family sometime soon. My family is very busy and all doing well, I have a job, I have great friends, I'm finishing my masters, and I have the opportunity to travel and see people and things.

However, as I've mentioned, this year is proving to be tough. I am turning 34 on Saturday and am starting to really feel older. I know everybody jokes about the creaking joints and so on...but I am noticing it.

• I am starting to become less pepper and more salt-and-pepper. I have this one white hair that lands smack in the middle of my bangs. Awesome. Love.
• I seem to get tired faster. Granted, I'm packing a lot into my days. At least three days a week I walk with a retired coworker early in the morning. I've got grad school two nights a week, wedding planning, and so on and so forth. This often results in me passing out on the couch with a book in hand. {MUST admit: As I typed this, I fell asleep. The dryer buzzer woke me up and scared the living crap out of me! So sad. It's 9:00.}
• I lose my patience much sooner than I ever have before and I get snitty. I don't like this one AT ALL. I know that some of it is that I'm overtired, but that doesn't excuse it. For instance, I easily get annoyed when people read at me in class, instead of just giving me the information. In addition to this, I have a low tolerance for hearing the same story 30 times. In my classroom, I get tired of and am less understanding of a million excuses.

Last night I was up until twenty minutes to midnight. When my alarm sounded this morning at 4:40, it took every ounce within me to get out of bed. It's not a lot of sleep but I need to get my walk in.Today, I lost my cool and snapped at friend. The feeling of stress is starting to thicken...help!