I've been working really hard over the past 8 months to make healthy food choices, workout at least 5-6 times a week (even when I don't feel like it), and do things that are mentally relaxing for me. It's been a rocky road at times, but definitely worth the journey.
Do I love the way I look? No. Do I feel stronger in all senses of the word? Yes.
I think that my confidence has grown a little in this process. I push myself harder than I have in a long time to be good to me. I am lucky to have an amazing cheerleader (don't tell him I called him that!) by my side; encouraging me to keep pushing, congratulating me when I reach goals, and motivating me when I need it.
With my gain in mental strength, it's amazing how quickly I can lose it at times. For instance, I spent an evening out with some girlfriends and heard almost nothing but complaints about marriage and husbands. Now, I know that when ladies get together they vent, whether it's about husbands or friends. However, it makes me so sad. I know that I've done it too...but I came home after that night, snuggled with Steve and just cried. Not really sure why, but I did. Mental strength wiped out that day!
This past week, while I was working in my classroom and attending meetings, I felt mentally fatigued by all of the new directives and initiatives and expectations and the list goes on and on. They are all manageable but my anxiety about the school year spiked to an all-time high. I struggle to stay focused on one task, since I know there are so many to tackle. It's gotten to a point where Steve asked if I might be developing ADD because I can't just sit and watch a movie...I have to be doing several other things at once. I call it multitasking, but I know some of it is that my span of attention has decreased with time. Several days I can't even make it through the movie...I passed out on the couch from the all-day grind at about 6:00 pm. Again, mental stamina, where did you go?
With the start of school looming, I know that my schedule will be tighter, meaning my mid-day workouts and time spent tracking food will not be as accessible. With this my anxiety about gaining back weight has also increased. I've worked hard and could work even harder still, but need to also be reasonable!
About two weeks ago, I had hit the 130s! This was a goal I've had for the past 4 years. The last time I was close to 130s was my 30th birthday, almost 5 years ago. In fact, I think I was even in the 120s then. Over time, I packed on 30 pounds and have dropped 21 of them. I should be proud of that! 130s, you guys!
Now, granted, it was 139.5 but I've been holding steady at that weight since I hit it. However, today I'm up a pound, putting me back in the 140s. I can't tell you how that little pound...16 ounces...made for a hard morning. I know it could be a lot of things, but it was really defeating. I know I'll shed it and hopefully before the wedding, but it's hard to see.
I still have 10 pounds to go to hit my goal, but every little half pound helps.
*Off to get ready for a Labor Day get together (at which I will probably eat all sorts of naughty things!)*
Thanks for reading!
First - Great job for losing 21 lbs! You are looking great and I am so proud of you! Second - remember to take a break and relax. You have a lot going on right now and it is no suprise you are mentally exhausted. Third -Don't worry if you cannot do the long workouts you did during the summer. Just do a 15 minute workouts during the week and save your longer ones for the weekend. Something is always better than nothing. Don't worry so much about tracking food. Since you have been tracking food for a while I am sure you have a good idea of what you should eat. I tracked for a little while just to see what I was ingesting and to get me on a new path. Now I don't track b/c I know what I can and cannot eat. Also, never forget that I am always up for a walk or a run. I get exercise and I get to spend time with you! :)
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